Red Headed Babies

After their baby was born, the panicked father went to see the Obstetrician.

'Doctor,' the man said, 'I don't mind telling you, but I'm a little upset because my daughter has red hair. She can't possibly be mine.'

'Nonsense,' the doctor said. 'Even though you and your wife both have black hair, one of your ancestors may have contributed red hair to the gene pool.'

'It isn't possible,' the man insisted. 'This can't be, our families on both sides had jet-black hair for generations.'

'Well,' said the doctor, 'let me ask you this. How often do you have sex?'

The man seemed a bit ashamed. 'I've been working very hard for the past year. We only made love once or twice every few months.'

'Well, there you have it!' the doctor said. 'It's rust.'

The Old Woman from Cod

An Oldie but a Goodie




There was an old woman from Cod

Who believed in conception by God

But it wasn't the Almighty

Who was lifting her nightie

Twas Roger, the lodger, the sod.

If by Rudyard Kipling

I love this poem by Rudyard Kipling, it's still as relevant today as it was when it was written in 1895.


If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:


If you can dream - and not make dreams your master,
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:


If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!


"If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!

Hauling a Prize Bull

The Shop Steward

A dedicated shop steward was at a convention in Las Vegas and decided to check out the local brothels.

When he got to the first one, he asked the madame, "Is this a union house?"
"No, I'm sorry it isn't."

"Well, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"

"The house gets $80 and the girls get $20."

Mightily offended at such unfair dealings, the man stomped off down the street in search of a more equitable shop.

His search continued as long as you want to draw things out, until finally he reached a brothel where the madame said, "Why yes, this is a union house."

"And if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"
"The girls get $80 and the house gets $20."

"That's more like it!" the man said. He looked around the room and pointed to a stunningly attractive redhead. "I'd like her for the night."

"I'm sure you would, sir," said the madame, gesturing to a fat fifty-year-old woman in the corner, "but Ethel here has seniority."

The Unlucky Beatle - Colin Hanton

George Harrison joins the Quarry Men in early 1958, he plays here with John and Paul at Auntie Gin's house (Paul's aunt) for a wedding.



Colin Hanton was working as an apprentice upholsterer when he was asked to join the now famous band mainly because he had recently purchased a new drum kit. Many of the band's early practice sessions took place in Hanton's father's house. He left the Quarrymen after an argument with the rest of the band. Richard Starkey (Ringo) later joined the band and the rest is history.






From left: Colin Hanton, Paul McCartney, Len Garry, John Lennon and Eric Griffiths

Animals in the Outback

A motorist was driving quietly along the road in the Australian outback when suddenly, his eyes boggled as, believe it or not, he espied a three-legged chicken running beside him. It suddenly made a right hand turn, and headed up a side track towards a nearby farm house.

Intrigued, the motorist decided to follow the chook. At the end of the track, he met a farmer leaning on a gate.

The motorist said, “You probably won’t believe this, but I reckon I saw a three-legged chook running this way.”

The farmer was nonchalant in response. “Yep, we breed them here.”

“But why?” asked the motorist.

“Well, you see, I like a leg, my wife likes a leg, and me son likes a leg.”

“And what do they taste like?”

“Dunno”, replied the farmer, “no one can catch the little bastards.”